Listing all these things as what makes 2011 great seems kinda weird right? It seems like a train wreck of a year, huh? Even though I have been stressed, angry, sick and plagued with fear at times, this has been a great year. I graduated college, moved to Los Angeles where I have met tons of great people, been placed in a job that I love and found people who are supporting me through all the rest. This year I have fallen in love with life more than I ever thought possible.

With every challenge comes a piece of joy is the lesson that has been reinforced for me this past year. The things that I thought would be challenged by have not been nearly as hard as I expected; and things I never thought would happen, like ending up in the hospital not knowing what was wrong, have been tougher.

Despite the challenges of this year, each of these experiences has helped me to grow in ways I never thought possible and I thank God for them. We must all remember that each time something bad happens we must look for the good in it. When we do this growth is possible.  Love is possible.

Sally Kiss, Episcopal Urban Intern, 2011-12

Neighborhood Youth Association

“No Casey, don’t think, just do.” A friend told me this and I looked at him like he was crazy, how could I not think? My brain is always analyzing, always trying to figure out the best course of action, the next step, how to manage my health, what I should say, what I shouldn’t say; it’s endless. But I love thinking, it allows me to sort out my problems and understand why I feel the way I feel; analyzing every day has brought me a long way. I’m realizing however that there can be a downfall to this type of thought; it often leads to the land of worry, stress, and inaction. Getting so caught up in thoughts causes loss of focus, when you search for every angle, you always find where you could fail. This can lead directly to feelings of inadequacy, uncertainty and periods of depression; none of which is helpful to success in the “real world”.

I’m understanding that to truly become an adult I must learn to trust myself and my instincts. I believe I know what’s best for myself and my future, and now is the time to put all this thought into action. Transitioning to a “real job” has brought many unforeseen challenges but the more I focus on the present moment and what I must do, instead of worrying about what I’ll have to accomplish later, I’m seeing just how much I can accomplish. We all worry that we’re not following the right path or that we could be doing more, but the reality is that the most we can expect from ourselves is doing our best, whatever that may be, in each moment we experience. With growth comes responsibilities and handling these responsibilities can be tedious and overwhelming, but ultimately supremely rewarding. When you can handle the pressures of life, when you accomplish the seemingly impossible tasks, the reward that is bestowed upon you is magnificent. Getting to that point, where you truly believe, that for yourself anything is possible, is a long road, but trusting that you know how to live your own life the best way you know how is the best compliment to a good and fulfilled life. No one can know how to do everything, but we can all learn how to be our best self.

Casey Robinson

Episcopal Urban Intern – St. Joseph’s Center

Luckily, all the down time and unofficial conversation proved to be very valuable when I did I very first intake as case manager, or rather Youth Advocate, my new title. The conversation was relaxed and comfortable. My “client” and I were already very familiar with each other which allowed her to be very candid and share some very personal information. In that one meeting, I felt the purpose for my being here. Being able to be that person the youth turn to in times of need will a very fulfilling experience for me. It took a while but I finally am able to see my place here and the impact I can have.

As for my plans and expectations for this year and after, all of that has gone by the way side. This experience has made me question my career and education goals and introduced me to a field I didn’t know I would enjoy working in. I am at a point where I have no idea what I want to do and where this year will take me. Surprisingly, this does not scare me in the least. I’ve learned to take things day by day, to pace myself, and slowly I’m learning not to worry about things out of my control. That, however, might be the hardest lesson I will learn this year. Thinking too far ahead, over planning, and stressing about the future always have been my greatest personal flaws. The phrase “Be Here Now” is slowly becoming my mantra and living in the moment is something I will have to work on every day. I am getting better at it every day and I have great faith I will be able to fully grasp this practice in time. It will be the greatest thing I do for myself this year.

Valerie Lamour

Youth Advocate, LA Gay and Lesbian Center

Well, I decided that I’d save my first blog for after the retreat because I knew it would be quite an experience to write about. With that being said, I can gladly say that the retreat has been unbelievably centering and offered much understanding through conscious and intentional spiritual practice. I feel that the few days spent at St. Mary’s Retreat House have matured me in a way that allows me to understand my presence in the world and especially among the interns as well. It felt great to challenge myself to attend Lauds, Eucharist, and Vespers services as the monks do every day of their lives. It’s easy to opt out of these types of experiences when it’s not mandatory, but I consistently remind myself to “Be here now” wherever I am at that given moment. This connects to the one word that has defined my actions during this retreat: discipline. It would seem as though the contemplative prayer the first night kind of dictated the way the retreat has gone for me spiritually. Through discipline anything is possible whether speaking philosophically, or mentally, or, quite significantly, spiritually. I now understand what it means to be a disciple. The word’s synthesis is all too apparent: disci- coming from “discipline” and -ple coming from “principle”. The divine convergence of these words, “discipline” and “principle”, creates a powerfully spiritual and faithful being because of their ability to remain steadfast and true to their beliefs. Therefore, I understand what it means to walk in the light of the Lord as his disciple.

I find that I’m in a different place emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and, interestingly enough, physically. However, it’s strange because I remember being in a much different position four or five years ago. I felt awkward in intentionally spiritual settings and like I was wandering through each day trying to find that purpose for my life, but eventually everything slowed down and the opportunity to look at my actions and words and consciously decipher what the missing pieces were presented itself. However, I find that among the interns I don’t just fit into one group singularly because I’m a lot of things. As a male, I’m pretty sensitive to how others feel and how I feel, as a Christian I try to find spirituality in the most minuscule and simple things, as a human being I question my every thoughts and actions critically, and to visually represent these qualities I have made a point to improve my fitness and nutrition. I have reached the understanding that all these facets of the human form are necessary to accomplish goals. If there was one thing that I had to challenge myself and everyone else to do, it would be to step outside comfort zones and either test limitations or set more.

Maybe it’s because my mother works in social services and I’ve heard the stories and seen her frustrations my whole life, maybe it’s because I’ve had several internships and projects that I’ve been a part of, or maybe I’ve just not hit the wall yet, but so far I’m feeling OK. I’ve been working very hard to be intentional about each interaction I have with clients or coworkers or friends, and to make each day count towards something. Counting my gratitude as it comes to me and trying to be present and opened to each day and interaction as it comes to me.

That is what I’ve been most intentional about since I decided to move to LA and leap into this great unknown on simple faith: opening myself to being swayed. Swayed by interactions, opportunities and things I see. To feel the emotions that come to me and trust that there is a reason for it all. I know I’ve been brought here for a reason, and I’m trying to be as opened to that reason as I can. And though I’ve not hit the end of the “honeymoon phase,” if and when I do, I’ll be present with those emotions, that overwhelming anxiety and confusion as well. If that’s going to be a part of this journey, that’s going to be a part of this journey.

Katy Cashman

2011-12 Episcopal Urban Intern

Worksite – Friends In Deed: Ecumenical Council Pasadena Area Congregations

We never realize how important those moments we have with people are until we are finished with them. It’s not even the big moments that I am talking about when you find something really deep to converse about; but just the little moments like hanging out in the K-town kitchen around dinner time hearing about everyone’s day or watching Christy and Jazmin eat their nightly ice cream or answering Cyrus’ amazingly endless list of “Would You Rather” questions. I cherish everyone of these moments.

These things are small, but they are as important as the big moments. But the “big moments” I have found arise from those little moments that seem like nothing. One minute you’ll be joking about someone’s sweater and then suddenly get into an hour long conversation about queer theory involving charts and diagrams on white boards (Yes that really happened).

Overall, the thing that I have appreciated the most being in EUIP this far are the fact that these moments are when I feel true connection to the other people in my house, my co-workers, the people I am working with at my worksites and for the most part I am experiencing them on a daily basis. Being able to have conversations and learn who someone is and being able to learn from that is when I see/feel God’s presence the most whether those conversations are about big things or small things.

By Sally Kiss
Episcopal Urban Intern 2011-12
Working at Neighborhood Youth Association

There are many different ways of viewing this upcoming year or service.  For some it is a new beginning, exactly when a fresh start is needed most.  Others may view it as more of an end in itself, as the goal of completing a year of intense community service can be checked off a list of aspirations.  Still others of us will think of this year as a bridge between an academic career and whatever the future may hold.  This last perspective is the one that resonates most closely with my beliefs.

This year will become the bridge from my past to my future.  This, however, does not mean that it is a gap year, or a means of procrastination.  In complete contrast, I know that this year will challenge me in ways that I have never experienced.  In order to lay the foundations for my future, I will have to commit to some hard work.  I will have to learn to not only ask myself the hard questions, but also find ways to answer them.  As I discover how I fit into the communities surrounding me, ranging from work, to school, to church, I will undoubtedly learn more about myself.  This year will involve a deepening in understanding of who I am and what I want to achieve.  The hard work will be learning how to entwine such findings with my future goals, so that I may fulfill not only my own needs, but also those of the people who surround and support me.  While I know that this will not be an easy task, I am excited to start building my bridge brick by brick.

Hannah Lock (Jubilee Consortium EUIP Intern 2011-12)

I clearly remember that cold April day last spring, when the realization struck. I was sitting on the bus riding from Dover to Durham, just 8 miles up the road. I greeted the driver by name and we caught up on all that had happened since I’d last seen him at the local coffee shop. Others got on the bus- none of them were strangers. A few of us appeased Mel, the elderly man who was known for his rants, and we joined him in a lively political debate.

That’s when it hit me: I bet public transportation is not like this is LA.

When people learned that I was coming to LA for a year and not bringing a car, they were shocked. “No one in LA uses public transportation” is all I heard.

I questioned the validity of this statement a few weeks ago, as my head was cautiously wedged between the armpits of two strangers while I rode the crowded blue line home.

I spend about 3 hours a day on public transportation. During my travels, I’ve come to realize what everyone meant by “no one uses public transportation.” What they were really saying is that no one with my skin color, no one who speaks like me, no one who had the education I had or who grew up in a home like I grew up in, uses public transportation.

Sometimes we give these so-called “nobodies” other labels- the homeless man, the drunk guy, the single mom, that crazy lady. Even in our best intentions we give these people labels- the poor, those less fortunate, the needy. We’re constantly creating an “us” and “them.” It carries over to all walks of life; we are a people obsessed with labels- liberals, Evangelicals, Republicans, Muslim, upper class, left, gay, educated. Sometimes labels are needed to describe a group, but mostly they are used to create divisions, a clear line in the sand. We stand over here, and the others stand over there (near the public transportation.)

I’m pretty sure Jesus never commanded us to love homeless people or Christians or people of a particular socioeconomic status. He said love your neighbor. And when he died, it wasn’t about “us” and “them,” it was all of us.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our stories. My story, your story, my neighbor’s story, the story of the man on the metro. We don’t know each other’s stories well enough. Maybe we don’t open our ears and hearts to stories because we’re afraid. We’re afraid that it will turn a “no one” on public transit into something greater, and in that transformation our hearts will be broken. But maybe heartbreak is what it takes to feel the compassion Jesus feels and to change the world in a lasting way.

I’m doing my best to work on that. And it starts with a broken heart on public transportation.

-Sarah Strosahl, Long Beach

Stranger: Oh, so, what do you do?
Megan: I’m a teacher.
S: What do you teach?
M: Well, I teach middle school–6th, 7th and 8th grades.
S: Middle school, huh? Those were the worst years of my life! Why did you decide to teach middle school?

The truth is, serving at Excel just kind of happened. I didn’t set out to teach middle school. In fact, if you would have asked me 12 months ago if I ever saw myself teaching AT ALL, never mind scores of rambunctious 11-15 year olds, I would have given you a very fast “ABSOLUTELY NOT” in response.

Fortunately for me, Excel has opened doors to myself that I never knew existed. I’ve always known I enjoy working with kids, but little kids, like the cute ones downstairs at Milagro. I never once imagined how much I might love working with the big, challenging kids that fill middle schools today. But I’ve learned I love it A LOT. I never knew that enough patience runs through my veins to persist when a student adamantly refuses my help or deliberately ignores my “good morning” or thinks it’s OK to step over a piece of trash on his or her way to recess without picking it up. But I’ve learned there is more than enough.

In fact, these realizations have become more and more meaningful to me as the school year progresses. When one 6th grader revealed who he secretly wanted to take to the Valentine’s Dance to me because he deems me “a trustworthy person” or when that stubborn 8th grader decided it was really OK (and probably to his benefit) to let me help him with his Algebra homework or when I witnessed dozens of those occasional litterbugs take so much pride in their school and neighborhood that they would spend quite possibly the hottest morning of 2011 until that day picking up trash on street after street, it is so easy to remember why I wake up every morning to relive middle school.